The Astrology of Intimacy

by Jeff Jawer

Love and relationships are high on the list of concerns for most human beings. There are some solitary souls who are quite content to live without a primary partner, but most of the rest of us choose to pursue intimate relationships for many different reasons. A loving partner helps keep away the cold, not only warming the bed, but by supporting your dreams and listening to your fears. Close companionship is the way of the world for most of us, but modern society has made it an extremely complex process.

In traditional cultures, when the roles of men and women were more neatly (if unequally) defined, there was community and family support for couples. But in today's world many of us have moved far from our families of origin. And, even if they are close by, extended families are rare and community support for couples is virtually non-existent. A modern couple expects more from a relationship than did couples living in pre-industrial societies. They are not just lovers and sometimes parents, they are also business partners and best friends. It's no longer enough to love your partner and to do the daily work of maintaining your household, you must understand one another, crossing the divide of male and female as new roles for both sexes continue to emerge. Same sex couples have their issues as well, individuality being stronger then gender.

Love is not enough. To live together in an intimate relationship there are other criteria that must be met. Love, in fact, is very different to different people. Fiery love means that I feel great when I think of you. It is a Leo-like projection of the ego, basking in the glory of romantic love. My love for you comes from my heart. You may trigger it, but it's my creation. Listening doesn't necessarily enter the picture. Watery love is more Lunar, it is about responding to the other person's needs, even the unstated ones. The fiery lover may be surprised to discover that the other is unsatisfied. "But, I love you honey," I might say, meaning that my heart opens at the thought of you. Energy flows from me to you. Yet the other needs to be heard, to be felt, to be received...to be loved like the Moon.

Astrologers generally consider Venus to be the planet of love. This, however, is somewhat misleading. Venus describes the form in which an individual can recognize love or approval. The sign, house and aspects involving the natal Venus can describe the ways in which the person gained appreciation within the family structure. So someone with Venus in Capricorn might be appreciated for her sense of discipline, while someone else with Venus in Cancer was approved for her sensitive and caring nature. Venus, then, is a highly socialized planet, one whose expression doesn't necessarily correspond with our deepest needs, but is a learned value. Venus is a step towards intimacy, it is the sweet attraction that pulls us towards another person (or him/her towards us). Magnetism, though, is not intimacy, it's not even love. But it is important, vital in fact, if a meaningful relationship is going to develop. However, relationships primarily built on Venus contacts may not last long or go very deep. Venus is a "horizontal" planet. It has to do with how we reach out to another person or object that attracts us. It does not, however, necessarily reflect our deepest needs. These needs, this pathway to intimacy, falls in the domain of the Moon.The Moon is the primary feminine archetype in astrology. The relationship with mother is the basis for all future relationships. It was one of total dependency, the only physically necessary relationship in life. We can not exist without mother's presence (at least until birth). Fathers are vital for conception, after that they're optional, albeit desirable. Closeness, then, comes through the Moon. It comes through connecting with our deepest needs, recognizing them and taking the risk to share them with the person we love. This vulnerability is a key element of intimacy. If we don't let our partner in we live parallel lives, rather than lives of true intimacy. Now we don't all have the same needs here. Someone with the Moon in Cancer is likely to have a very different notion of closeness than someone with the Moon in Aquarius. Each has lunar needs, needs to be fed and to be heard, but the forms can be very different. The Moon in Cancer needs, above all, to belong, to have that watery connection of feeling that you are both in the same circle. The Aquarius Moon, though, needs space and freedom, and can find security within a less tightly bound relationship. In any case, though, the Moon is what allows us to join at a deep emotional level.

To Get Your Own Personal  Astrology Reports, See:
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Astrology for Children - Great Child/Teen Astrology Reading Guide for Parents
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