When we stay at the level of Venus, however, the need to be liked dominates the need to be heard. Closeness requires a willingness to move past the approval level and touch the soul. When we share our deepest feelings, fears and secrets we can open ourselves. Letting the other in is a challenge, particularly for men or women with strong Fire in their charts. Receiving is as much of an art as giving. Working with the Moon means allowing for changes, for inconsistencies. We're not talking about a fixed model of ideal partnership, we're seeking a living relationship between growing and changing human beings.

We can understand Venus as describing what we like, sort of what tastes good to us. But like sweet sugar in the mouth, the pleasure it gives is nice, but might not be very fulfilling. The Moon describes what feeds us. Therefore, it is important that we understand the relationship between Venus and the Moon in our natal charts. If the two are in conflict, extra attention may need to be paid to make sure that pleasure feeds us, rather than leaving us undernourished. Someone with Venus in Cancer, for example, might appreciate the cozy and caring aspects of a love affair. But if the Moon is in Aries, space for spontaneity must also be included. This person can be very responsive to the partner much of the time (all other chart factors being equal), but suddenly pull away to reclaim her/his individual space. This can lead to confusion for both partners. It's really about addressing two very different needs. The difficulty is that Venus and the Moon are close enough in their natures to mislead us into reading one for the other. Liking and needing are not the same thing. The form of love (Venus) and the substance of emotion (the Moon) may or may not be similar for a given individual.

Conflicts in the horoscope, as with conflicts in life, are not about choosing one over the other. If we place the intimacy needs of the Moon over the pleasure needs of Venus we can have unpleasant closeness, like a couple locked together in a grim dance of survival. If the more superficial aspects of Venus dominate we can dine at the table of pleasure yet still feel empty inside. The key is to acknowledge and accept our conflicting needs. Knowing which one is appropriate at a given moment is helpful. That means dragging out your Scorpio Moon need for intensity in a public place might not go over very well. Or that your Venus in Aries taste for independence showing up when your partner is in emotional crisis may be ill-timed. Everything has its time and place and overcoming much of astrological conflict is about putting the right foot forward at the right time.

Another take on the conflict, lets' say between Venus in Aries and the Moon in Scorpio, is that there are many steps between their seemingly contrasting positions. We often find ourselves stuck between two choices. However, we are whole, the universe is whole and there are connections between any two elements in existence. Learning the many subtle steps between conflicting points means building bridges between the disparate parts of ourselves. Astrology does a good job of dicing and slicing us up into so many planets, signs and houses. But, we need to remember that no piece is isolated from the rest. Even a seemingly isolated planet, one without aspects, for example, lives within the same solar system and within the same person as the rest of the chart. The lack of connections is apparent, not real. You can take the isolated planet and imagine conversations with the other planets. What are their common points of interest? If you can't find any you need to expand your astrological vocabulary, because underlying the obvious differences between the planets and the signs is a unifying pattern that connects every part with every other part. In fact, learning how to merge and then separate is essential to attaining intimacy.

While the rewards of intimacy are considerable, the fears of intimacy are equally strong for most people. This is because intimacy, coming closer to another, merging fields and feelings, threatens one's identity. As much as we want the closeness, there is a natural resistance to it. If I include you in the center of my being where am I? Where is my old familiar self? The unconscious works powerfully to maintain the status quo, even an unhappy one. Fear of losing oneself is a powerful motivation to avoid too much closeness. However, this too can be included as part of the dance of love.

Love, in a living form, is not constant. We don't feel the same way about one another every day, because we don't feel the same way about ourselves. Now I'm not talking about wild mood swings here, just the natural ebb and flow of attraction that is part of the human condition. Venus' attraction is balanced by Mars' struggle to maintain individuality. This is why couples need to fight, to push one another away to regain their individuality. When this is conscious it can be included in the dance, a normal process that neither has to be ashamed of. I've often found that after my wife and I have moved yet another step closer to one another, when we've push aside another veil of separateness, we react soon after by creating distance between us. We need to assimilate this deepening of our partnership. I need to be sure that Jeff is there in the middle of the expanding intimacy with my wife. When this is allowed no feelings are hurt, we don't have to dramatize our individual needs and can stay in a flow that will bring us closer again the next time around.

To Get Your Own Personal  Astrology Reports, See:
Horocope Compatibility - Discover How Compatible You and Your Partner Are
Astrology Birth Chart Reports - Custom Birth Charts and Readings
Astrology for Children - Great Child/Teen Astrology Reading Guide for Parents
Daily Horoscopes
Tarot Reading - Free or In-Depth Tarot Reading

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