Anne, A Success Story 

Copyright 2003, Ernest Quansah 

This article is about Anne, a thirty-five year woman who
concluded that she could never find a man. Anne came to the
conclusion that loneliness was her fate and thus she went as
far as accepting it as fact. As a client who later became a
friend of mine, Anne's success story is very emotional and
powerful. Her case proves what we have discovered in our
research. That is, it does not matter what your circumstances
are, every man or woman can and is able to find a meaningful
relationship or improve their love life.

Anne was a very attractive and educated woman. When she first
became a client of mine, it never occurred to me the problems
she carried underneath her beauty. Little did I know how much
she was hurting. Throughout my counseling career, I had never
come across any client like Anne prior to meeting her. When
Anne's counseling began, I must admit that I honestly thought
she was beyond help. Anne grew up in a family where she was led
to believe that no man would ever want her. She was the best
looking and educated amongst her family members. Yet, for many
years she worked in the family business for minimum wage. The
sad part was she was willing to work under those terms until
the day she died because she had accepted that she was the
black sheep of the family.

One of the ideas I suggested to Anne, to help her to stop
thinking she will never find love, was to start dating. But,
she was even afraid to date. When the suggestion was made, Anne
declined to try saying, "But who wants me? No man will date a
woman like me." I tried my very best to let Anne know that she
is a very attractive woman. All she needed to do is believe
there is a man out there for her. Besides her thinking that
no man will ever want her, Anne had also experienced two men
attempting to kidnap her. This made her even more afraid to be
alone with any man. She believed that all men out there may try
to kidnap and rape her, if possible.

Now you can understand why --- in the beginning --- I was concern
Anne could not be helped. She was so afraid of having to be with
a man, that the thought made her cry. I personally began feeling
sorry for her. As a relationship counselor, I could not
understand why she was so afraid to venture outside.

I finally reached a point where the only choice I had left in
the attempt to help Anne was to give her an ultimatum. I became
so frustrated with her I told her, "Anne, you can do it. I am
willing to help you but if you are going to come to me, make
one excuse after the other, then why bother? Don't waste my
time. Anne you must try. Give guys a chance to take you out at
least in the daytime. If you are concerned, tell someone about
your date, your date's name and phone number, where you will
be going and what time you should be arriving home." 

"Don't let your date pick you up from your mom's house. Meet
him somewhere in the open. This way he does not know where you
live and you will not have to worry about him coming to look
for you." I proceeded to tell Anne that unless she was willing
to try, I didn't see any reason why she should even continue
coming in for counseling.

At the same time, I knew a spiritual couple who were visiting
from the US. I invited Anne to have dinner with myself and the
couple in the hopes that the wife could befriend Anne. Anne
didn't have any friends. The only people she met were myself,
my soulmate and a couple of friends I had introduced Anne to.
Unfortunately none of them wanted to befriend Anne because she
was so negative about everything. People simply did not want
to be around her. After the dinner was over, we all began to
converse.

I had tried to encourage Anne to leave home and be her own
woman. For one thing she was also being physically assaulted
by her brother. I witnessed Anne and her brother in a
disagreement one day. When the brother was approaching Anne,
Anne turned to her side, put her arms over her face saying,
"Don't hit me, don't f*cking hit me." When I witnessed that,
I almost wept.

As we talked after dinner, the woman began to share a story with
Anne. If my memory is not failing me, the story went something
like this. Mrs. Tolley told Anne: 

   "Anne there was once an eaglet who grew up with ducks. When
   the eaglet grew strong wings to fly, the mother duck told
   the eaglet, eagle you hatched with ducks but you are not a
   duck. You are an eagle. Eagles don't walk they fly. So fly
   away to be with eagles..."  

   The eaglet replied, "No, I am not an eagle. I am a duck.
   I cannot fly." 

   The mother duck told the eagle, "Yes, you are an eagle. You
   were hatched by a duck but you are an eagle. You can fly."

   The eaglet was so afraid to try it replied, "No, I cannot
   fly. I am a duck --- if try to fly, I will fail." 

   The mother duck told the eagle, "You are an eagle. You don't
   belong here. Fly and be with your own and you will be much
   happier. Try, please try. Eagles fly they don't walk. You
   are an eagle you can fly." 

   The eagle thought for a minute. It began to stretch and
   flap it wings. It bounced around a little then it and flew.
   As it flew it realized it could fly and began to sore in
   the air.

We all sat and listened to this emotional story. I know I wept
and so did Anne. I cared about Anne so much. I wanted her find
happiness.

Not long after and with a little encouragement and support, Anne
moved out of her parents basement. She found her own apartment
and a full time job at one of our local hotels as a hotel's
restaurant manager. She began to date and met a man who cared
for her. Anne soared.  

MY ADVICE:  This is an example that there is a special someone
for every one. Like many people, Anne made all sorts of excuses
because of fear and denial. She only found success when she
took a chance and tried. In your love life, the only way to
experience true failure is if you don't try, give up or try
to hide behind excuses and justifications.

The eaglet eventually flew with eagles instead of with the
ducks. This means that you can find love with your appropriate
mate --- not just any man or woman for the sake of having a
lover. When it comes to relationship, most people don't live
their potential. Instead, they settle for unhealthy and
mediocre relationships. Guess what? If you choose unhealthy
relationships, in the end, it will be you who pays the
emotional price.

You can achieve your true potential in love if do your part,
follow the right advice and accept a little personal support
from others. Love Ya.

Ernest Quanah is an Expert Relationship Advisor-friendship coach. He is the founder of Soulmate Infoserve, and Author of "How To Identify Your Soulmate" an online relationship and dating advice manual. For Powerful Relationship Advice visit his website http://www.soulmateinfoserve.com